Sex Dates, From the First Message to the Morning After
A sex date is a date where both of you know how the night ends. Nobody pretends it's about the food. You flirt, you agree, you pick a time, and the only thing still undecided is whose bed is nearer.
That's the whole idea behind ShagDates. Everyone here has said out loud what most people only hint at elsewhere, so the flirting gets to the point faster, and a chat on Tuesday can be a plan to meet for sex by Thursday.
Below is how a good one actually unfolds, day by day, from the first spark in the messages to the text you send the next morning.
Tuesday, 9.40pm · The spark
Tuesday night, when the chat turns into a plan
Every good sex date has a moment in the messages where the tone shifts. Up to then it's banter: what you do, what you're into, a joke about the weather. Then one of you says something a little bolder, the other matches it, and suddenly you're not chatting any more. You're planning.
Notice that moment and act on it. Suggest a night while the energy is high, rather than letting it drift into another week of "we should meet sometime". Dates for sex work best when they're booked on a high.
Wednesday · Agreeing the plan
Say what you both want before you say where
A sex date works because nothing is left to guess. Before the time goes in the diary, the two of you have already talked about what turns you on, what's off the table, and whether the night ends at yours, theirs or a room you've booked.
This is the part people skip on casual dates elsewhere, and it's why those nights so often go flat. Talking it through doesn't kill the mood. Done well, it builds it, because by Thursday you've both spent two days imagining exactly how it'll go.
Settled before you meet
What you're both into, any hard nos, whose place, and how either of you leaves if the spark isn't there.
Left for the night
Who makes the first move, how long the drink lasts, and whether you're still there for breakfast.
Wednesday night · The tease
The night before is half the fun
Once the plan is set, the messages change. Less "what are you into" and more "here's what I keep thinking about". This is where sex dates earn their reputation, because the anticipation does a lot of the work before you've even met.
Let it build. A message about what you'll be wearing, or not wearing. A hint about the thing you've always wanted to try. A line sent at midnight that makes the other person put their phone down and stare at the ceiling. Match each other's heat; if one of you prefers suggestive to explicit, respect that. The aim is to walk into the pub on Thursday already wanting each other.
A quick check on the practical bits belongs here too: confirm the time, swap a sensible way to reach each other on the day, and agree who's booking the room if you're using one.
Thursday, early evening · Where to meet
Pick somewhere easy, public and close to a bed
The best place for a first sex date is somewhere neither of you has to think about. A pub or hotel bar with room to talk, near enough to one of your homes that the walk back takes ten minutes, not forty. Busy enough that it feels relaxed; quiet enough that you can hear each other lean in.
Local sex dates are easier to say yes to, and easier to repeat. If you live an hour apart, meeting halfway works, as long as you've agreed where the night goes next. Plenty of members book a room for the first one so nobody has to host someone they've only just met, and so the decision after the drink is just a lift ride away.
Want sex date ideas beyond the pub? A late table at a cocktail bar, a gig where you have to stand close, a hotel bar with a room key already in someone's pocket. Anything with low lights and an easy exit works.
Thursday night · The date itself
The first hour decides everything after it
Give the first hour room to breathe. Laugh, flirt, let a hand rest where it lands. Sit next to each other rather than opposite if you can; it changes everything. Knees touch, voices drop, and the table stops being a barrier. If the messages were good, the conversation usually is too, and the tension of knowing what comes next makes even small talk feel charged. Every brush of a knee under the table carries two days of messages behind it.
The move from the bar to somebody's place should feel like a shared decision rather than a negotiation. A look, a "shall we?", a hand on a thigh that stays there. Some members say the taxi ride is the best part: the city going past, nobody saying much, both of you counting the minutes. If one of you isn't feeling it, say so kindly and go home. That's part of the deal on a sex date, and it's why people feel safe enough to have them.
Someone near you is planning their Thursday right now. Make sure you're the one in it.
Join and say helloFriday morning · After
The message that gets you a second date
A short note the next day goes further than you'd think. Say what you enjoyed, be specific, and if you want a repeat, suggest one. Plenty of members started with one sex date and now have a standing night every week or two.
Not every first sex date leads to a second, and that's fine too. Casual dates work best when nobody owes anybody anything. A friendly thank-you and a clean goodbye keep it no strings attached, and keep your reputation on the site as someone people enjoy meeting.
Still choosing where to find your dates for sex? It's worth picking a sex site that delivers before you give one your evenings. And if you're brand new to all of this, our plain guide to how to get laid starts even earlier, with the profile.
Sex date questions
Where do people meet for a first sex date?
A pub, a hotel bar or anywhere with a quiet corner, picked so neither of you travels much further than the other. Most members have one drink first and decide together from there. Choosing somewhere near one of your homes keeps the rest of the evening simple.
What should I wear on a sex date?
Something you feel good in and can get out of easily. Members swear by the outfit that got mentioned in the messages. If they said they love you in a shirt, wear the shirt.
Is ShagDates a sex date app?
It works like one on your phone, straight from the browser, with nothing to download. Everything you need for local sex dates, from profiles to private messages, is on the ShagDates homepage and your account.
Do sex dates ever become a regular thing?
Often. If you click, say so the next day and suggest another night. Plenty of casual sex arrangements on here are months old, still no strings, just a plan you both look forward to.